Tenacious P
by Gaz Almighty
Summary: Red and Purple sing 'Tribute' by Tenacious D. A songfic... sort of. I just wrote this for a laugh. I suggest listening to 'Tribute' before you read this, it's funnier.


My First Song fic… sort of.  
  
If you can call it that.  
  
I just wrote this for a laugh.  
  
Um… enjoy?  
  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
The Soldiers clapped half-heartedly as a bad 'stupid pet tricks' act walked off stage.  
  
It was just about the end of the entertainment. The solders who had been conquering for days were rewarded with a sort of 'USO Show' to increase moral. So far, it wasn't working. The soldiers were either bored out of their mind or too drunk to care. The host walked to the middle of the stage and clapped enthusiastically.  
  
"Thank you invader Blorch and his dog Misty! Bravo!" the announcer said in a stereotypically gay voice. He had a scarf around his neck but his uniform was otherwise normal. Sparse bouts of clapping could be heard through the theater, most were sarcastic. The host plucked the mike from its stand and held it.  
  
"Well tonight Invaders, we have a very special treat. It seems that our leaders have graced us with their presence!" the crowd really didn't respond.  
  
"Here to perform a musical duet, please welcome-" the host put a hand on his chest and swooned with excitement. "The Almighty Tallest!!"  
  
The audience made no response. The host cleared his throat, but it did nothing. He sighed and pushed a button on his wristband labeled: "Lasers".  
  
A red laser shot out and struck a soldier. "OW! GOD! MY EYE!"  
  
A startled murmur traveled through the theater as the soldiers woke up. The host took advantage of this.  
  
"The ALMIGHTY TALLEST!" he almost screamed. The audience began to clap an urgent, confused clap. The host backed off stage while clapping, watching the Tallest walk up on stage.  
  
The Tallest strode up to the front, several shorter Irkin's trailing behind with equipment. Purple walked up to the mike while Red barked instructions at the Irkins setting up the stage.  
  
"HELLLOOOOOOO Invaders!" yelled Purple with a wave. A forced response came from the audience.  
  
"Me and my partner here would like to express our pride in you through song. On behalf of the superior counsel, myself, Red, and the entire Irkin Empire – Thank you. Now, we would like to get started."  
  
In back of Purple, the stage has been set with a high stool and acoustic guitar. Red sits on the stool and slips the strap of it over his shoulder. He nods at Purple and gets ready to play. Purple puts the mike back in its holder. "This is a story about when me and Red got stranded on a desert rode when we were just cadets in the academy."  
  
Red begins to play. Purple grabs the mike stand and begins to sing after a few chords:  
  
Purple: "This is the greatest and best song in the world… …Tribute. Long time ago, me and Red here, were hitchhiking down a long and lonesome road. All of a sudden… there shined a shiny demon… in the middle… of the road. And HE SAID: - 'Plaaay the bessst song in the wooorld… …Or I'll eat your souls'.  
  
Red: Souls…  
  
Purple: Well me and Red… we looked at each other… and WE EACH SAID:  
  
Both (in really calm voices): OK.  
  
Purple: And we played the first thing that came to our heads, that JUST SO HAPPENED to be… the BEST song in the world,  
  
It was the best song in the world.  
  
Both: Look into my eyes and it's easy to see,  
  
That one and one make two; two and one make three – It was destiny!  
  
Once every hundred-thousand years or so, when the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow and dust doth blow…  
  
Purple: Needless to say,  
  
The beast was stunned,  
  
A WHIP-CRACK with its whippy tail,  
  
And the beast was done,  
  
He asked us: *snort * 'Be you angels?'  
  
And we said –  
  
Both: Nay!  
  
We are but Irkins!  
  
Purple: Rock!  
  
(Both REALLY start to get into it. Purple dips the mike and Red rocks out.)  
  
Both: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh… oh-oh-oh- oh… oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh…  
  
Purple: This is NOT,  
  
The greatest song in world, -No!  
  
This is just a tribute…  
  
Couldn't remember the greatest song in the world – Oh…No!  
  
This is just a tribute…  
  
Both: Oh!  
  
Purple: -To the greatest song in the world! All right!  
  
It was the greatest song in the world, All right!  
  
Itwasjustthebestmothafuckinsong…  
  
The greatest song in the world…  
  
Ahhhh!  
  
Red: Oh…  
  
Purple: Fligoo-gigoo…  
  
Red: Oh…  
  
Purple: Fligoo-gigoo-gigoo…  
  
Red: Oh…  
  
Purple: Fligoo-gigoo-gigoo-fligoo- Yea!  
  
(Red rocks out while Purple head-bangs.)  
  
(After a moment of this…)  
  
Purple: And the peculiar thing is this my friends (he pans a finger around the room) … the song we sang on that fateful night… Didn't actually sound ANYTHING LIKE this song!  
  
Both: This is just a tribute… you gotta believe me… and I wish you were there… 'Cause it's a matter of opinion… and oh – FUCK!  
  
Good-God!  
  
God love it!  
  
You're so surprised to find you cant' stop it!  
  
Oh Halleluiah – POW! Oh!  
  
Red: Oh-oh-oh…  
  
(They severely rock out. Red gets on his knees, and at one point is playing with his teeth. Purple puts his hand up in the 'devil' symbol.)  
  
Purple: All right!  
  
(Rock, rock, rock…)  
  
Purple: All right!  
  
(Rock, rock, rock…)  
  
Purple: Yea!  
  
(Red rocks to the breaking point. The notes get louder, and higher, and more intense as Purple head-bangs. Finally he works up the rhythm and hits the last chord.)  
  
The audience stares in a stunned silence. Both the Tallests are breathing heavily. Purple clears his throat and tries to regain his composure. "Um… thank you."  
  
Silence… until the room erupts into applause. Red puts down the guitar and takes Purple's hand as they bow.  
  
The host runs out clapping and whistling. He shakes the Tallest's hands vigorously. "Wow! That was amazing!" they leave the stage as the host shakes his head in disbelief.  
  
"The TALLEST everybody! Give 'em a hand!"  
  
The theater whistles and screams with satisfaction.  
  
Host: "OK, that's the end of our show. Now its off to war with you!"  
  
The entire building groans.  
  
"No-no-no! Off! Off ya go!"  
  
The soldiers shuffle out, more annoyed than anything. The Tallest laugh stereotypically, then give big thumbs up to the camera.  
  
(Credits scroll by)  
  
  
  
_ _ _ _ _  
  
Thoughs Tallest… what will they get into next? 


End file.
